From my book Into the Dark
I see you looking. Staring across the mall. Will you come over? Will you say hello to me?
People often stare at me. I am very beautiful in my way. Nothing can ever take that away from me. I was considered amazing once and was a model. Okay it was local but hey. I had my 15 minutes.
Now I am here. Every day the same.
I see you looking. Oh, you pretend you are not. Embarrassed? You do not need to be. It is I who is embarrassed. It is I who have fallen. My clothes unfashionable were all the rage once. My hair…oh well, I do try and comb it but well, fingers just do not do it really.
The bruise? That is my business not yours.
I see you looking. Do you know I hate you? and I love you? I hate you because you do not come to me. I love you because it s not your fault I am here. I hate you because you will go home to your wife and kids, your dinner and your TV and I? Where I go is also none of your business. We keep it secret.
Did you know I had a job once? A husband? I drove a car and had a dog and a garden with roses. Do you even care? When you stop looking you will turn away and forget me as you never have known me. You may remember the image of me. Only.
I was a model once. People looked at me and clapped and toasted me. Now they shoo me.
I see you looking. Through your lens. Taking a shot that you can show people so they feel pity for me and admiration for you.
I see you looking.